Shot by Talia White, Birmingham UK

It’s fashion week in New York City and even more beautiful people are out looking fabulous in the streets. It’s truly magnificent – and this has inspired me to finally write this blog post, which I’ve been meaning to for a while.

I spent around 4-5 years full time in the modelling game and still dip my toes in now and again when I want to.

I recently got THIS photo back from a shoot I did for a big sports brand in London. Now, I know my body really well now and this is not my waist. It’s been scooped in by Photoshop …not a huge edit and maybe not visible to someone else but because I know my body I spotted it straight away.

I’m totally desensitized to this now and the editing of this photo will not affect my life in any way. It was their money being spent on the shoot after all… so they should have photos they are happy with.

I loved my time working as a model and it really can be great fun! But I don’t love the way the industry can make you feel about your body sometimes.

I love and accept myself way more now than I ever did when I started out modelling – so I want to share a bit more about my story in this industry – and how I survived it. Here are some of the invaluable lessons that the modelling world has taught me.

 Perfect is not achievable. 

If you have any chance of being happy – you better stop chasing the perfect thing right about now.

It’s a sad truth that you will never be able to keep up with how photographers can make you look like after the shoot when they are editing the shots on their computer.

You will never look like the model in the magazine because not even the model does…

No matter how you change your looks or shape – airbrushing and Photoshop will always be one step ahead of you and tell you that you can look better and more perfect if you just shaved an inch here or airbrushed there..

 

A Skinny Body does not mean a Healthy Body – and Vice Versa

 

Just because a model appears to be in good shape – doesn’t mean that they are looking after their body – this might be an obvious one but often times girls are deliberately not looking after themselves in order to look a certain way. I certainly did this for a while and can honestly say it’s not worth it.

 

Healthy always trumps Skinny – every day of the week.

 The more you compare yourself, the unhappier you will be.

 

There’s always going to be someone else younger, more pretty, more thin, with a better chance of getting the job in your eyes. And of course – the more you tell yourself you’re not good enough – the more you start to believe your own story. Instead – own your individuality and unique beauty.

Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way.

 

Shot by Natasha Cheek, London

 

Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe

Unfortunately models are subconsciously taught by agents and bookers that they should look a certain way in order to get the right jobs – but what I’ve found from spending 5 years in the industry is this – you will get the jobs that are meant for you. Just in the business world – how your vibe attracts your tribe – it’s the same in the modeling world – your vibe will attract your ideal clients and bookings. Rather than try and change yourself to be everyone’s cup of tea – be YOURSELF and the right jobs will clients will be attracted to you.

 

When You Love Yourself, Rejection Is Ok. 

Part and parcel of the modeling game is dealing with rejection – and not just simply ‘not getting the job’. Besides the many castings that I was unsuccessful on – I also had to deal with rejection a lot more than once when I was actually on the job – doing the job – with the client – and got sent home for not having quite the right body shape for what they needed.

 

Your Power is In Your Reaction.

 

Two Stories At Two Different Ends of the Spectrum:

Story 1: Not Loving Myself

One of my first ever modeling bookings, I was 17 years old – still in performing arts college and doing the odd modeling job on the side to earn some extra cash. I was booked on a job for a Bridal client, presentation shows for Bridal gown stockists. They booked me as a Dress size 8 (which I was at the time) – but when I showed up at the venue, all the dresses had been imported from Asia – and I was told by the client ‘Oh yeah – looks like they’re a small 8 – maybe more like a 6…’ Can you imagine ? I tried on 10 dresses and not one of them fit me. On the verge of tears, I said to the client – “I’m so sorry I don’t fit any of your dresses – should I call my agent…?” He responded while laughing – “Yes and maybe you should lay off the croissants too”. At 17 and obsessed with dieting – I was already in a turbulent relationship with food and my body (I shouldn’t have even been a size 8 – I had starved myself down to this size already).

The whole train journey home I spent sobbing and repeatedly telling myself that I had to lose more weight. I was devastated not to fit into any of the beautiful dresses, and I never forgot that day.

LookBook for Designer Zoe Laycock

Story 2: Loving Myself

This job was actually pretty recent – only a couple of years ago. I was booked on a catwalk job for evening gowns (and funnily enough – bridal dresses again). At this point I was totally over my eating problems – loving my life and completely in charge of my own body and in love with my healthy lifestyle. I was a healthy size 10, ate a great healthy diet without obsessing – and worked out regularly lifting weights and doing yoga. At the time I was happier in my own skin than I’d ever been. (Also how I am right now!)

Mid way through this catwalk job – I was called to one side and told my arms and shoulders looked “too toned” for the dresses, and also “maybe you’re spending too much time in the gym and should lay off the weights…” Very politely, the client awkwardly told me that she could see I was fit and healthy – but it just wasn’t the look she wanted for her dresses. She was replacing me with another model with a smaller frame.

Now I mean – I didn’t always love muscle on women – but when you’re working out a lot – you start to love it. I love to lift heavy weights in CrossFit and find strong women so inspiring, because I know what it takes. By any stretch of the imagination – when you put me in a the gym next to the other girls – I did not have muscly arms at all. But compared to a group of slim fashion models, I guess I did.

Shot in England by Photographer Emma Philipson

 

Life is 10% What Happens To You and 90% How You React To It. 

Years ago – when I was that impressionable young model trying to please every client – I would have gone home and cried – and probably never laid eyes on a barbell again. Did I mention also start a new diet on Monday? That too.

But because I was in such a great place with myself – I could literally shrug it off, say thank you kindly to the client and my agent – and go home happy as anything and carry on with my life.

I’d simply been booked on a job with a client that was a wrong fit for me – nothing more.

I took the rest of the day off, drove home and hit the gym that evening. I told my friends at the gym that I had been sent home for having muscly arms and we all had a bit of a laugh about it.

The following week I was booked on a big shoot for Reebok. A much better fit for me.

Shot by Olly @ Cliqq Photography, Essex

 

It’s YOUR body – not theirs.

In the model industry you are made to feel like a product, like a commodity, people talk about you when you’re in the room ‘can you tell her to put the other outfit on now please’ ‘hmm her hips don’t look great in that dress do they….’ Etc. It’s very normal and you quickly become desensitized to it and just let them do it.

The fact that I felt like my body was someone else’s property however – made me want to rebel against this idea – to prove that I could do whatever I wanted with my body.

 It made me want to do things like get more tattoos – dye my hair red (which I did, and loved) After all – I’ll be who I want to be.

The truth is – whether you’re a model or not – your body is the one thing you have your entire life. 
It is YOUR vessel. It’s up to YOU how you look after it, and how you want it to be.

 

You’re not everyone’s cup of tea, nor should you try to be.

If you’re earning a living as a full time model, you should know where you fit in. Just like in business, you should know who your ideal clients are, and who they are NOT. You are not going to be everyone’s model, okay?

If you’re a sports model, you’re probably not a fashion model. If you’re a bikini model, you’re probably not a fittings model, etc. I knew where I fit in. I did the happy smiley commercial lifestyle stuff, the girl next door shoots, the stock photos, the commercials, the stuff where they needed someone with acting experience – and it worked for me and I worked for them. Most of the jobs I got – I loved – and the clients I got, loved me back, and rebooked me.

Whenever I got cast in fashion jobs. I generally wasn’t a perfect fit for the client and they weren’t a perfect fit for me.

When you develop an attitude of – If they like me, great – if they don’t – then that’s also great because we obviously just weren’t a great match to begin with! And that’s totally okay.

 

“I don’t care if you don’t like me – I love me.”

BodyFit Cover, Shot in Essex by Olly @ Cliqq Photography

It’s impossible to keep the same measurements all the time.

I had one regular job doing fittings for Stella McCartney’s Adidas range. They had hired me because my body was an exact certain set of measurements. I have no idea how but I managed to do this job consistently for Stella for 3 years. I felt extremely privileged to be working for Stella in person. It was long days of standing up, being a human mannequin for her and her team. The very first thing they would do to me when I showed up at the studio – was get the tape measure out and measure me, to make sure I was still the correct measurements.

They would put sample clothes on me from her next line, and decide if they looked right or if the design needed changing. I would get pinned, drawn on with marker pens, and prodded around. I didn’t mind.

Because I knew I was only there based on the measurements of my body – each time my agent messaged me to see if I was free for another day with Stella – I went into a complete panic. What if my measurements had changed? What if I couldn’t lose weight quickly enough to get the measurements back to where Stella needed them to be? I would freak out.

Heaven knows how I managed to hold onto that job for 3 years – they must have liked me. I eventually stopped getting asked and to be honest I felt a deep sense of relief.

We are women – and women’s weight and measurements fluctuate naturally. It’s part of being a woman. I know that when it’s my time of the month, my boobs can sometimes go up a whole cup size! I know that my measurements and weight would be different depending on how much I’ve hit the gym that month – how my diet has been – how much water I’ve drank – how stressed I’ve been, how much alcohol I’ve drank – how much I’ve travelled – and how much rest I’ve had. Models are put under extreme pressure to always keep the same measurements regardless.

Thankfully I had gorgeous agents who I adore (and still work for sometimes) I have great relationships with most of my bookers and appreciate that what they have to do is a difficult job. They are having to deal with a lot of egos, and discuss sensitive issues with girls who are already insecure can’t be an easy task.

Confidence is an inside job.

Cover of Om Yoga Magazine, Shot in London by Vince Starr

You are not a blank canvas.

I have tattoos.
I have scars.
I have wrinkles and lines.
I am not in perfect proportion.
I have beauty spots and moles.
I have freckles on my nose when I’ve been in the sun.
I have broad shoulders, big boobs and long legs.
I have strong legs – not skinny ones.
I have a wide waist and narrow hips.
I look different on the right side than I do on the left.
My teeth are not perfect.
I naturally have long eyelashes and usually very good skin.
I feel really awkward when someone asks me to ‘pout’.

 

This is my body, and this is my beauty.

Own yours.

 

Campaign for Celebrity Nail Artist Jenna Hipp, Shot in LA by Andrew Stiles
Test Shoot by Ross @ Creative Smiles in Hollywood, LA