I had a conversation the other day with a fellow blogger that inspired this post.
I recently heard about Yoga bloggers on Instagram, Photoshopping their photos to make their bodies look thinner or more perfect in their photos.
In the same week, I also heard a story about food bloggers spending hours to get a perfect shot of their healthy food or crazy-amazing rainbow looking smoothie, with perfect drizzles coming down the side of a perfect mason jar, then – throwing it out because they were never actually planning to eat it in the first place, because they are battling with a crippling eating disorder and this is their way of dealing with it.
But on the surface they appear to be a leading a super healthy and vibrant lifestyle, drinking healthy smoothies and cooking up big delicious dishes.
Both of these stories were deeply upsetting to me and really struck a chord.
How much of what we see on Social Media is actually real?
When I first started blogging about food 3 years ago, I was sharing pictures of beautiful green smoothies and vegan meals, but what I wasn’t sharing, was the fact I was still obsessively weighing myself, still hated my body, and was bingeing on whole packs of medjool dates at any one time, and processed vegan junk food, often instead of eating real food or having proper meals.
We know by now, that Instagram and Facebook posts are simply the highlight reels of everyone’s lives, and never the full story.
You would maybe share a photo of you looking great at a party. But would you post one of you at the end of the night when you were completely plastered, and needed to be put in a taxi home?
You would maybe share a photo of you and your boyfriend looking super happy and relaxed together, but would you post one of when you’re going through really hard times and constantly fighting with each other?
You would maybe share a photo of your body when you’ve been really hitting the gym and just completed a detox. But would you post one of your body when you just ate ’til you thought you were about to pop?
The food blogger probably doesn’t share the junk food she eats on the weekend, only the healthy meals she prepares and makes photo-ready Monday to Friday.
The model who posts 3 selfies a day with perfect, glowing skin is actually struggling with acne all over her face, but edits all her selfies with an app, so she has the perfect complexion in photos.
The travel blogger shows herself on a beach in a bikini having a blast, but doesn’t show that she’s alone in a hotel room crippled with loneliness because she has nobody to share it with apart from her 100k followers.
The fashion blogger shows herself kitted out in expensive designer clothes and handbags for her ‘OOTD’ – but doesn’t share that she actually is in thousands of dollars worth of credit card debt and has no idea how she will be paying her rent this month.
Models might show photos of themselves having a blast on yachts in the south of France, but they certainly don’t show the photo of the older rich guy that actually owns the yacht.
Obviously I’m generalising – but you get my point.
I often receive messages on Facebook from people who say things like , ‘Wow Mel, everything looks like it’s amazing for you! You’re living the dream!’
While I am grateful to live a life I truly adore 99.9% of the time…and most of my posts generally reflect this by being positive, uplifting and happy – I am still a real person, who also goes through shit times sometimes. Sometimes I read these messages and feel guilty for posting so much stuff that could be perceived to be ‘perfect’ in somebody’s eyes. Because actually behind the scenes, my life is far from perfect, and my close friends and family know that this year has been a complete roller coaster for me.
I feel very strongly that women who have a following on social media have a certain amount of responsibility to let their followers see their real lives, not just their fake ‘shiny’ ones from their highlight reel.
So…
In an attempt to give you more of my full story, here are some of my Highlight Reels from my life right now, and then The Parts I didn’t post (up til now…)
In an attempt to give you more of my full story, here are some of my Highlight Reels from my life right now, and then The Parts I didn’t post (up til now…)
May I say – that while I do post the highlights, my reasons for not posting the ‘part I didn’t post’ up til now – is not to do with me not wanting to share the full story with you, or trying to cover things up.It’s more to do with the fact that I want my posts to be positive, uplifting and empowering to those who see it (as I feel is the case with most bloggers).
And I am a big believer in that energetically you get more of what you give out!
So in order to attract more of the good stuff into my life, I share what I am grateful for and what makes me happy – not what I am upset or aggravated over. I hope this makes sense.
This is all rather personal and vulnerable for me but here goes. It took a lot for me to open up to you guys last year about my past struggles with food and eating disorders, but in doing so, not only did it help me gain closure – but it also helped THOUSANDS of you. So it was worth it a million percent!
So here we go…
Highlight Reel: I recently had a blast on a 6 week solo adventure in New York, California and Miami! I’m having the time of my life!
The part I didn’t post: Earlier in the year I went through (and still am going through) what can only be described as a quarter life crisis, which resulted in the break up of my marriage that devastated me. I booked this 6 week trip when I decided I was done with crying every day. I was barely functioning, and didn’t even know where I was going to live. The truth is I booked this trip when I felt like my life had fallen apart and watching Eat Pray Love and Sex and The City was all I could do to stop myself from crying. This solo trip was an act of self love and a way for me to discover who I really am, and what I want from this new chapter of my life.
Highlight Reel: I had an amazing time in Joshua Tree, California, stayed in a gorgeous log cabin and hiked up a mountain! (and took loads of cool photos from the top of the mountain like this):
The part I didn’t post: The night before I took this photo, I woke up in tears in the middle of the night in the log cabin, because I had a vivid dream about a conversation I was having with my Dad, who passed away 3 years ago. For those of you who have lost a parent, sibling, or someone close to you, you will know – those nights don’t go away.
Highlight Reel: I love being an adventurer! I love travelling! I’m a free spirit 🙂
The part I didn’t post: I also still sometimes get bouts of anxiety when I’m away from home. This 6 weeks has been a real test of strength for me and has taught me how I can easily stop looking after myself when I’m away from my comforts like my kitchen, my juicer, and my yoga studio/gym. Being away from home used to be a big trigger for my food, so this was a huge test for me and I’m very proud of myself for how far I’ve now come with it.
Highlight Reel: I have a lot of moments of “I love my life so much!” and I practice gratitude every single day.
The part I didn’t post: Sometimes I have still have days where I’m so overwhelmed I just want to curl up and hide under the covers all day and not show up in my life at all. Yep! I have those days too.
Highlight Reel: I have a lot of friends all around the world, I’m a social butterfly!
The part I didn’t post: Sometimes I really just don’t want to be around any people whatsoever, I want to go in my own little bubble and just reflect by myself and recharge my batteries without anyone else around. And I think it’s absolutely Ok to do that.
I posted lovely photos of healthy food in New York, but I didn’t post about all the cocktails I drank there too, and the unhealthy bar food like calamari and tacos I ordered a few times late at night. I didn’t post about that, because it’s not a beautiful or healthy photo, and wouldn’t inspire any of my followers to lead healthier and happier lives. But – it happened! 🙂
I finally love living in my body, but it’s a relationship I’m still working on, that takes time and effort and commitment to always let the love in. I still get negative thoughts creep in about myself and my body from time to time but I work hard to shut them down completely by telling them they are unwelcome. I never let them transcend into anything significant, often challenging them to come forth and manifest if they would be so brave, but they never do because the Love outweighs the fear.
I also reached out to some of my Blogger friends to ask them to do the same and share some highlight reels VS full stories! Here are some of the super interesting responses I got….
“I used to blog about fashion, beauty, and generally living as glamorously as my graduate income would allow. But I didn’t write about how my boyfriend was verbally, emotionally and ultimately physically abusing me.” – Gabriella, Fashion Blogger
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel under pressure to present myself and my lifestyle in a certain way. I forget looking at other people’s blogs and social media profiles that they probably worry about it too. Everything goes through a filter! And I’ll primp, reposition, and tweak things from my hair parting to the words on the post. It’s never as effortless as it looks.” – Lucy, Lifestyle Blogger
“My blog is all based on being a healthy mom, but the reality is, yes I do those things but for every nice moment we have there’s always lots of tears and tantrums and stress in the day! People always say they don’t know how I do it because I make everything from scratch, but I have to because of my son’s allergies – and although the food looks pretty in the photo, my kitchen is a complete tip! In fact my whole house is a tip from where he’s been wrecking the place whilst I’m trying to make beautiful food for perfect pictures! I also still have the battle of my kids wanting junk food – on my Instagram I post pictures of them eating healthy food but I don’t post a picture of the battle I’ve had in the supermarket trying to get sweets off him!!” – Tanya, Food Blogger
“For every 1 yoga picture that makes it onto my Instagram feed I have 200 fails!” – Sasha, Yoga Blogger
“It’s often the most perfect looking people and relationships that are plastered all over social media that have the most insecurities or hidden problems behind the scenes. I for one have always been a happy, smily confident character who always posts positive photos, but as a result of this behaviour and confidence, no one tends to ask me if I am ok, or ask how things are going on in my life, as they think it is so perfect from the images I post…..” – Hannah, Food Blogger
“Instagram sees a fraction of my life. It doesn’t see my batman PJs that my mum picked me up from Asda, or the fact I spilt tomato juice all down my top today whilst watching an old rerun of Friends. It doesn’t see my melt downs. It doesn’t see that the perfect marble flat lay is actually a cheap roll of sticky back plastic shoved to the side of my dresser.” – Zoe, Beauty Blogger
You heard it from them, guys.
Don’t take social media seriously. After all, it’s just a photo.
Real life is what happens behind the lens, not in front of it.
When the phones are left in the bags because you’re having such a good time you forget to take photos.
Thank you for holding a place for me to share.
To being comparison free – and living a gorgeously messy, unretouched life behind the lens,
Mel
XO
Ditto what Catherine said – a much needed post; thank you!
Keep the positivity coming, but also keep it real. x
I love your raw and honest heart!! Such an incredible reminder. May we remind people that there is still so much beauty in the breakdown. <3
Mel this is a wonderful and so deeply needed post. Bless your honesty and your sharing.
I bow down to your courage and wisdom
Catherine x x x
Thank you so much gorgeous Sairah!! Beauty in the breakdown – love that so much <3
Thank you so much Kitty! <3
Catherine, thank you so much for taking the time to read, and for your kind words! Please do share <3 XX
Yes, Mel! This post is exactly what I needed to read today. I constantly look at other peoples ‘lives’ on social media and compare my life and feel inadequate. Now, I’m a smart girl, and I know what I’m seeing is the highlight reel, but I still feel rubbish about myself and reach for the junk food to give myself a fake high. This is my turning point. Thank you, Mel, and when you’re having a bad day I hope you remember the thousands of women you’ve inspired and that we can give you some comfort in return <3
Oh my word Mel I’m feeling tearful not with sadness but with reassurance!! You were so meant to be in my universe right now!! I’m just starting out in my career and have those feelings just as you and your fellow blogger buddies do and feel guilty and bad that I’m posting things on social media when actually I’m also having off days like everyone else!!! Should I be doing that or just keep going???!!! Thank you so much you are an inspiration
Wow!! Thank you for your honesty Mel, along with the other bloggers! This has given me the strength to stop questioning my decisions, and be who I am, not who everyone else wants me to be!
Your an inspiration. Much respect to you xxx
Thanks so much for sharing this Mel. Having met you in person I know you are the real deal but I admit I was starting to find your posts and photos alienating and was about to unsubscribe. I just couldn’t relate to it all, even though I totally connected with you when I met you. BTW it’s a common misconception in the new age world around the law of attraction stuff that if we share the messy truth and the difficult feelings we’ll just attract more of it. In fact it’s what we suppress, avoid and hide that is the most magnetic, because it wants to be out in the open and in the light. Having read this post I now feel “she’s one of us after all”, whereas I didn’t feel that before. I feel I can send you a huge HUG now because I know we share similar wounds and struggles and it feels more possible for me to receive the good stuff you post about. So THANK YOU ANGEL. Much love, K xxx
Hi Mel
I’m not one of your “Goddesses” I’m a male personal trainer and I got on your list after seeing your interview with DSG about your course, as you came across very well on the interview I decided to virtually stalk you (added Fb n got on your email list lol).
I’ve just been seeing how you do things and would like to say thanks for posting this, I think it was very honest and brave for you to do so, and I feel that your audience will appreciate the message. More people need to get this raw and remove the smokescreen… being in the fitness industry it is all about the highlight reel. But I feel inspired to remove it and get real.
Thanks, and keep up the good work you got going on here.
Thank you SO much Beth! We’re all guilty of comparing. I do it just like you do it! Once again thank you so much for taking the time to read XX
I was DEFINITELY meant to be in your Universe!! It’s okay to keep posting… Lord knows I kept posting all the way through my shit times. Quotes galore, obviously (LOL!) It’s definitely a comfort thing and coping mechanism too I think. Sending you heaps of luck and love in your new career! XXX
Thank you so much for your comment! I’m so pleased it has made an impact! Keep doing you <3 X
Oh Kimberley! I have to say I read your comment and my heart sank a bit! Right where it hurts, thank you for your searing honesty. I need it. I’m glad you stuck around. I still have lots of growing to do! As we all do I’m sure 🙂 You’re so right about what gets suppressed and hidden being magnetic. I relate to that completely. Here’s a massive hug back! I love you! XXX
Hey Alex, thanks so much for being here! I do love a good stalk myself haha! Thank you for a lovely comment… you’re very right about the fitness industry, there’s a lot of pressure to always be switched ON but after all we are real people, not 3D generated ‘internet people’ 🙂 Good luck in your life and business, DSG is the man 🙂 X
Thank you Nicola! <3
Wow, your blog has blown me away today Mel. You’ve changed my life in so many positive ways, you’re an amazing human being with such a wonderful force of be lost without the G G life. Thank you and best wishes for whatever the future holds xx
Mel your very honest and open that’s a very thing in a person
Just be you for you ????
Hi Mel, can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried when I’ve looked at someone else’s “perfect” life and thought why isn’t that me!! Slowly I have begun to realise that I don’t need to be like every body else, my life is perfect in its own little way. But that realisation started to come since I began to follow you. I may not have joined the academy (yet) or joined you in one of your retreats (yet) but I have slowly started to implement little things you’ve posted, and to me that’s an accomplishment in itself. I’ll get there one day, where I’ll truly be happy with ME, but for now thanks for this article, for your honesty and for your continuous advise and inspiration.
xoxo
What a brave and beautiful post. Thanks so much for sharing Mel.
I love you even more!
We all have our ‘stuff’ and are learning, growing and doing the best we can, in front of and behind the lens. <3 xx
As soon as I read that you used to eat medjool dates by the packet, I was hooked on this post! I have an empty packet by the side of me right now… swapping for a healthier choice still hasn’t got rid of my food issues, but I’m getting there! Thank you for sharing such an honest post xxx
Inspiring post from an inspiring woman. Thank you for sharing this so boldly, Mel. I just adore you, my dear. xo
So if you ever need to just hide and do your own thing… mi casa es su casa. No strings whatsoever. Annie and I would ignore you totally! I don’t care if it’s tomorrow or 10 years from now, just call/text from the airport. Meantime I’ve a feeling you know deep in your heart the best is still to come.
Phil G. – aka Fearless LeChien
Finally some truth online! I’m so happy to read this, Mel, thanks for your very needed honesty! I have some Insta-filters myself: for example one where I posted a video of me swimming with my dog in the ocean in Hawaii. It looked divine. But what I didn’t post was what happened minutes later, when a whirlpool current almost sucked her into a cave and I almost lost her 🙁 I was a mess and cried straight for two days from the trauma. I actually wanted to blog a very similar post like this one on that topic, but it was so sad and dark for me, that I couldn’t get myself to do it. I’m glad you found the right words and most importantly, the right energy behind it. Besos, Mercedes
Mel, this is an amaaaaazing post, and one we need more of in the online world! I’ve personally activated and deactivated my Instagram account a few times this year, and disconnected a lot from social media (except for with my online tribe) because of the lack of realness and truth. I’m still learning that I don’t have to be perfect to be an inspiration and that showing how I get through my normal day-to-day challenges will give people a much more motivating reason to do the same. Your post has definitely given me the courage to be more honest in my blogs, thank you for that and here’s to a revolution of honesty and authenticity! Big hugs Kristel
What a guiding angel you are! Helping us all to be more comfortable and honest with who we really are. I love reading your posts and I always seem to read the one that I need to at that time 😉 Thank you for being such a bright light for so many women. Much love to you xx
Beautiful post Mel – such a great a wonderfully put reminder 🙂 xx
Thank you, Mel, for being so honest. Of course we wouldn’t (necessarily) expect to bare our darkest moments with strangers, but simply showing we are all human just bursts all those unrealistic expectations that (social) media can tempt people with. Stay wise!
This is an amazing post Mel. Love your genuine rawness and vulnerability. Reading this brought a tear to my eye. Thank you xo
Hi Mel,
Such an inspiring and needed post! how super brave of you to completely open up like that, I imagine it must have been extremely hard for someone like you to lay your entire life out there so publicly.
Everything u spoke of, truly hit home – as I too have been going thro those exact motions. I lost my dad 2 years ago (I’m 33) and I’m still struggling to adapt to life without him, I totally shut myself away from others in general, walked away from a great job, came close to loosing my partner due to being so withdrawn and also suffer with anxiety.
I too have food behavioural issues (over eating/ secret eating / binging) a form of self harm – yet I love the healthy stuff too and mostly only ever post on Instagram of the healthy foods! Im motivated by healthy living yet sabotage myself all the same with binging! I had a big wake up call only a few weeks ago as it almost teared my relationship apart.
Like most I mainly only post on Instagram and fb the beautiful things as I want to hold on to the good things Ive accomplished but not admit to the things I struggle with!
We all know life isn’t just how it seems in a picture but there is that element that u romanticise more when u see other beautiful people & how their lives appear visually – but it makes u blind almost to what’s right Infront of u. Hope that makes sense?
Your post will really hit home to a lot of people and give them the kick up the butt we all needed! Thank you beautiful xx
#life.through.rose.tintedglasses
? respect to you ✌?️
I am so sorry about the end of your marriage Mel – I can’t imagine how much that must hurt. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs.
I can totally relate to your ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ and ‘Sex and the City’ marathons having used exactly the same therapy following the breakup of my relationship a couple of years ago! The pain was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before – there were days when I genuinely thought I’d never get over it. However (and I’m sure many people have given you the same advice) I’m here to tell you that the sun WILL shine again.
Also like you I decided to embark on a journey (literal and figurative) of self-exploration following my split and indulged a long-cherished dream to go travelling. Thirty-eight, fragile and single I was terrified of everything (not least being the oldest backpacker on the block!). Nearly a year later I’m here lying on a beautiful Indonesian beach with a gorgeous new man at my side (whilst it was never the aim of my trip to begin a new relationship and I’m in no way suggesting that new boyfriend equals happiness it has been an unexpected and wonderful gift). Don’t get me wrong: I’ve had more than my fair share of scares, sad times, hairy moments, downward trajectories, doubts and tears on my travels but overall this experience has been amazing. I’m not brave, strong or special but I’ve drawn strength from the words of wonderful people like you who’ve helped me to believe that anything is possible!
Here’s to you and to your fabulous, happy and beautiful future!
Lots of love x