Welcome to the very first edition of Nectar Notes - a biweekly newsletter filled with heartfelt conversations on love, relationships, feminine power, and authentic growth. Expect personal stories, raw truths, and exclusive insights meant to inspire and empower you. 🍯✨
💌 On *that* Aubrey Marcus podcast, what it illuminated for me and helped me heal about my past relationship, and the conversations it sparked in my marriage, friendship groups and client groups.
––––––––––––––––––––––––
Welcome love...
Today, I’m diving into the talk of the entire spiritual community right now… that viral Aubrey Marcus podcast.
Yes, the one where he shares about bringing another woman into his (previously sworn monogamous) marriage… divinely guided, he claims, by the Goddess Isis, who told him to impregnate them both in the name of spiritual evolution.
🙄
Yes, I watched the entire thing, wincing. And yes, it made me want to gouge my eyes out, smash something, throw up my insides, cry a river, and everything in between.
You’re damn right I was triggered, my friends.
Listen, even though I’m fully on team monogamy… I really do not care if you want to be polyamorous, or monogam-ish - or whatever you want to call it.
The reason this podcast upset me (and so many of my sisters) was not about that. It was the sheer volume of red flag spiritual narcissism and gaslighting behaviour palpable throughout the entire episode that had my insides screaming: monogamous or poly - this simply isn’t right.
And look - contrary to what a lot of spiritual teachings would have you believe, being triggered isn’t always a shadow for us to heal. And having judgement isn’t always a ‘projection’ for us to look at.
Sometimes, it’s just our motherfucking instincts, babe.
There’s a fire rising in our community right now. And it’s not just our wounding or all of us ‘projecting’ - it’s the feminine gut instinct, and our clarity.
No matter how many spiritual words were used in that podcast, we felt the agonising pain beneath the words.
Because we know this pattern in our bones. And it’s not just personal… it’s ancestral.
The grief so many of us women carry - from mothers, sisters and grandmothers who were never truly chosen either. Who swallowed their desires to stay safe, stay loved, stay agreeable. Who accepted less than they deserved, and disrespected ourselves in order to keep a man’s desire satisfied.
We’re waking up and remembering: spiritual discernment is holy. Boundaries are sacred. And wanting to be deeply chosen by our beloved isn’t a wound to heal… it’s our biological wisdom and sacred desire.
It’s also worth reminding ourselves that Aubrey openly talks about using a wide range of drugs often, and has racked up hundreds of plant medicine ceremonies. A self-confessed ‘psychonaut’, this is a big part of his identity and belief system.
And again, no matter how much we dress this up in spiritual jargon, it’s ultimately still mind altering substances that when taken in excess, are going to majorly influence our decision making abilities.
I have nothing against plant medicines when used sparingly, intentionally and with respect and reverence. Even though I live a sober lifestyle now, I personally have sat with ayahuasca and psilocybin a bunch of times in the past, and had very healing and profound experiences.
But when we are constantly opening our channel up by using these medicines on a consistent basis, we aren’t just available for divine guidance, we’re opening up for a whole host of spiritual energies and forces that we just don’t know are for the highest good of all.
And visions aren’t always God’s direction - often, they’re just our unprocessed wounds in disguise.
Sacred medicine work can be incredibly beautiful and revealing. But when misused, or when we elevate a man’s desire to “expand spiritually through polyamory” above the very real, very human commitment to safety, partnership, and devotion, that’s not growth…
It’s spiritual bypassing. And it’s usually women who pay the price.
Like, impregnating a woman 20 years younger than you, who’s not your wife, and convincing yourself it’s somehow ‘evolved’ and ‘a new paradigm of relationship’ that you’re role modelling for the collective. 🤦♀️
For me, this podcast hit especially close to home.
My last relationship ended after four years when my partner - who admired Aubrey and was deep on the plant medicine path - came back from an Ayahuasca retreat claiming he’d received a vision that he was meant to marry and have children with a woman he’d met in the ceremony.
He came home, and days later, broke up with me and began a relationship with her. But the vision didn’t come true and they ended things some months later.
Let me be very clear - this was one of the biggest blessings of my life - and every day I’m so grateful that he had that vision!
But - the messages we receive in plant medicine ceremonies often reveal our trauma, not our destiny. And when misused, they trap us in false guidance masked as divine wisdom.
And this is where we get lost.
Thankfully, that heartbreak redirected me into the best glow up season of my life, it led me into truly understanding the wisdom of feminine energetics and polarity in love and relationships, (aka, the Honeypot path) and ultimately to the deep, committed partnership and beautiful family I cherish today. 🙏
Here’s what I know to be true:
True sacred union doesn’t require repeatedly traumatising ourselves (or “dying a thousand deaths” in order to grow, or sharing your beloved with others by opening your marriage when that wasn’t at all what you signed up for - in the name of spiritual evolution.
Your divine union should be your safest place.
And your true spiritual evolution in sacred union is in showing up daily for the same person, over and over again, year after year, through the inevitable ups and downs of life. Even when it feels hard, messy, or boring.
It’s easy to cheat. It’s easy to flirt, to DM someone outside of your container, to allow porn to penetrate your relationship field, or feel like maybe the grass is greener on the other side.
But choosing to love the same person, the person you chose to commit your heart to, in deeper and deeper ways. That is true spiritual work.
That is true radical monogamy; daily devotion to one heart.
As Rumi beautifully said, “A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.”
Maybe we’re done mistaking openness for spiritual evolution and romanticizing chaos.
Maybe what we’re really craving now is Commitment. Depth. Groundedness. A return to traditional values and spiritual discernment.
A love that doesn’t ask us to splinter and sacrifice ourselves in the name of someone else’s “expansion.”
Because here’s what I believe:
How we love is how we lead. How we build relationships is how we build our world. And your desire to be deeply chosen?
It’s not too much. It’s the blueprint. 🔥
Please - hit reply and tell me your thoughts on this powerful conversation. I really want to know, and I read every reply.
With fierce love,
Melissa xo
P.S. I’d genuinely love to know what this stirs in you. Do you resonate? Do you see it differently?
👉 Hit reply and share your thoughts with me. I’m looking forward to reading it!
––––––––––––––––––––––––
This is Nectar Notes — a biweekly email from Mel Wells on love, polarity, and what’s real behind the scenes.